Deconstructing Troy

Thanks to Micah Snell—

Achilles Pitt:

• “The first rule of Greek Fight Club is I refuse to fight in Greek Fight
  Club.”
  
  Hector Bana:
  


• “Don’t make him angry…I really won’t like him if you make him angry.”
  


• “I don’t care if Achilles is from the Styx. I’ve got his number.”
  


• “Finally equal billing with an Achaean! Nobody ever pays attention to
  the temperate man.”
  


• “The older brother always has to bail the younger one out.”
  
  Paris Bloom:
  


• “Achaeans? Who cares about freakin’ Achaeans? I slew a freakin’
  oliphaunt in my last flick. I’m self-confident enough to just be the
  whiny pretty boy.”
  


• “Wow, Helen is almost as beautiful as me.”
  


• “In a few thousand years some scampy chick is going to give people named
  Paris a bad reputation.”
  
  Menelaus Gleeson:
  


• “My favorite movie scene is the one where Orlando Bloom falls out of the
  Blackhawk and dies in the first 3 minutes of the film.”
  


• “Sparta always gets the bum rap. No one likes us as much as Athens. Oh
  well, could be worse, nobody’s ever heard of Mycenae.”
  
  Agamemnon Cox:
  


• “The older brother always has to bail the younger one out.”
  


• If I didn’t get first pick of the spoils this trip would suck for me as
  much as it does for all the other Achaeans.”
  
  Helen Kruger:
  


• “If I only had a brain…”
  


• “There are so many studs around here I think I’ll flirt with whichever
  one is closest.”
  


• “I got to kiss Orlando!”
  


• “Good thing I’m beautiful, otherwise I wouldn’t have a single thing
  going for me.”
  
  Priam O’Toole:
  


• “I’ve got so many descendants I should seriously consider becoming
  Mormon.”
  


• “How the heck did I get roped into such an imbecilic gig? I feel like
  Alec Guiness in Star Wars IV.”
  
  Odysseus Bean:
  


• “The horse is a gift! We can turn it to our own purposes.”
  


• “Armand Assante eat your heart out.”
  


• “What a load of oafs I’m allied with. I could really use some lotus
  right about now.”
  


• “Do well at the box office do well at the box office do well at the box
  office do well at the box office”
  
  Aeneas Fitzgerald:
  


• “Good thing I’m not of Priam’s bloodline. Somebody’s gotta bring
  redemption out of this whole fiasco.”
  


• “All the really cool people in this saga will get their own sequel.”
  


• “All the really really cool people in this saga will sire their own
  empire.”
  


• “Do well at the box office do well at the box office do well at the box
  office do well at the box office”
  
  The Muse:
  


• “Hey wait a minute! Why weren’t we consulted on this?”
  
  Diomedes:
  


• “You’d think the most prominent Achaean warrior in the first half of the
  story could at least get cast in the movie.”
  
  Keira Knightley:
  


• “I’m not Helen?”
  
  Homer:
  


• “It’s a good thing I’m blind and I don’t have to see the movie”
  
  
  So, will it be good?